Peak April

T_T

April had been very tough for me. last year.... this year huish mencabar keimanan dan kesabaran.

I'm not workaholic tapi more to feeling responsible. I dont do works to prove to people i can do something or i want them to see i shine. benda tu takde in my thought. 

at this age and at this point of life, i want a little light and happiness while working. thankful jugak for the surrounding and the people. sometimes memang we'll gonna meet a person yang trigger kesabaran but that's life. i need to face all those kind of peeps.

with my position and with a little knowledge and experience, i'm not in the position of handling big task, tapi senior terlalu trust me. Helping him allow me to learn a lot, but at the same time i'm restless. I'm no longer run a normal life. exhausted really. But i respect and kinda weird he tonned down a little cuz he knew what i can do and what i cant do.

I hardly being weak, tapi with the responsibility he put on my shoulder, i cried a little. tak tau la kenapa but the tears naturally comes out. it seems like "Ya Allah why me?" but Allah had mentioned in the Quran that "He wont give the burden one cannot bear. Allah ease me , tiba2 senior cancel kan the meeting, dia kesian kot i have to handle subcon alone on Final account thingy. haha comel ar gak some of the things a person do. Its not that i cannot handle atau tak yakin, tapi i dont have a position or right that makes people believe me to handle those. In the end nanti people will blame me cuz i'm too new. 

when he called i cannot control my voice yg cracking macam tengah nangis, takut dia perasan. hahaha 

All this while Allah had allow many interesting people to cross path my life. I do silly little mistakes and caught by my senior, i get angry , do alot of faces expression, geram semua and being weak semua dia nampak. I know he worried i cannot handle whatever he want to hand over to me. i know my boss pun tau what i can and what i cant without senior exec guidance. 

To be honest, starting from zero is tiring much . I lost all those positive vibes sometimes. I need an answer on what should i focus on next. I'm not yet want to give up tapi i need strength and i need a break and i need support. Construction world sangat mencabar mental and physical. I do know until what i point and i can still hold on to, kalau stretch lagi memang broken ar. 

nuff said about works.