Berkata Sayidina Umar Al-Khattab:

 "Aku mengamati semua sahabat,dan tidak menemukan sahabat yang lebih baik daripada menjaga lidah. Aku memikirkan tentang semua jenis pakaian,tetapi tidak menemukan pakaian yang lebih baik daripada taqwa. Aku merenungkan tentang segala jenis amal baik,namun tidak mendapatkan yang lebih baik daripada memberi nasihat baik. Aku mencari segala bentuk rezeki,tapi tidak menemukan rezeki yang lebih baik daripada sabar. Umar berpaling pada Fatimah seraya berkata “Alangkah baik dan indahnya kalimah-kalimah ini.” 

lowest point, Allah masih sayang. Alhamdulillah .

Ya Allah, thank you for still loving me, pick me up where i left, where i am at my lowest, bring me closer to you every time jauh,

Please take a way "hubbud dunya" from me forever,

I thought hidayah cuma pada yang masih searching, yang sosial, yang masih belum menutup yang sepatutnya,

but that thought is just my thought.
rupanya yang solat dan hidup tak tahu untuk apa tu lagi kosong. yang tak tahu tujuan hidup adalah lagi kesian. EMPTY. I feel a hole in my heart, and i barely see any light.
Yes, i feel that.

After I watched Zaskia S hijrah journey, i have that same feeling. I felt so empty, so lonely and i dont know what i chase anymore? Masha Allah.

Hidup, solat dan mati sepatutnya untuk kerana Allah. But I've been far away from The Almighty.
Tak tau apa yang aku kejar.
Then I cried, solat taubat, and cried and cried . After solat i prayed doa Nabi Yunus ketika berada di perut ikan Nun, ‘La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzhalimin’  . Because i'm not sure at that point what wrong did i did, but I know that the empty feeling is because of myself. I did wrong to Allah , semoga sekiranya hati tak bersih doa ni mungkin boleh membersihkan hati. 

After few weeks . . . .

Then finally i found the answer. Hidayah daripada youtube online islamic talk.
Ada berkat dalam talk tu. I put attachment of dunia, on people, on frenship . Allah wanted to show me that, i need to prioritize Allah first before anything else.
Alhamdulillah, Allah masih sayang, masih memberikan hidayah, ada doa2 yang telah dipinta Allah kabulkan. 

رَبَّنَا لَا تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ رَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ الْوَهَّابُ

Artinya: “Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau jadikan hati kami menyimpang kepada kesesatan, setelah Engkau beri petunjuk kepada kami, dan karuniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisi-Mu, karena sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pemberi (Karunia).”

Alhamdulillah, realizing that life is short, I could die anytime. Sebelum ni , I always want dunia, dunia dunia, solat tapi tak mendalami, berdoa untuk dicabut nyawa dalam keadaan yang sangat beriman tapi tak berusaha pertingkatkan iman dan amalan. Jahil much fee.
Tak cuba untuk tambah amalan, sampai akhirnya kosong. Tak beri makanan rohani, kurang dengar talk agama lepas i feel good. till the end, i get a lil lost. Tapi sebelum betul2 tersesat Allah cepat memberi bantuan.

So I still have chance untuk perbaiki yang kosong, buang yang lagha, buang cinta dunia, bersedia sekiranya dijemput Allah. Tapi satu impian, ku mohon sebelum nyawa dicabut, ya Allah jemputlah aku dan keluarga untuk menunaikan umrah dirumah-Mu dalam masa terdekat. amin.

hal2 duniawi yang lain belum pasti dan yang pasti i'm not into it.
I isolate myself for few weeks than I get this answer. Thanks for the light ya Allah. semoga istiqamah. amin.

What I've gain from the talk, walaupun kita rasa malas, kita rasa mcm iman tengah turun, jangan berhenti buat amalan2 sunat walaupun sekadar yang basic. Top up amalan supaya sentiasa dekat. Gembira dunia dan nikmat juga ujian. Semoga istiqamah fee. Amin.

sharing from Zaskia S.

fee. 

Life is a process.

I tried to keep a lot of things inside , tried to refrain myself not to write this.......but i'm just a human. 
I burst sometimes into tears. 

what the heck did i feel? 

i feel something i dont wanna feel, but i know Allah is testing me. 
I miss those days when i didnt feel anything espc emotion things,
and not wanting any wrong thing. 
I know this is a process , and it shall pass, and one day i wouldnt want what i want today.
and i wont feel this heavy or sad anymore. it will get BETTER!!!
twitter seems to public, nobody ever visit blog anymore. 
so yeah here I am, pouring those sadness here. 
i'm disconnecting from anything that made me sad, i keep building space to myself, watching HIMYM and some Mufti Menk's talk on youtube in order to get better. Hopefully to be better rather than watching people's life. i always a positive one but that was when i didnt pick emotion in me, haha better said than done. When there is a lil bit emotion in me, i kenot handle this worldly stuff. I'm stronger when there's no emotion involve. life is lighter, easier, simple and just about myself. didnt need to consider what other's have done cuz what i will only care is i'm happy with myself. so January you may take all the sadness and emotion u want and by the time february arrive there's no more room for sadness. Thank you. 

i'm not demotivated person, but that's what i felt lately. yea its a process right?
as a human we are not always gonna be happy, life is like a wheel.  

u'll get better fee. insya Allah. Hasbunallahu wa ni'mal wakeel.

2019

Salam & Hellow twenny-nineteen,
its a brand new year with different dream and hope,
i want a lil bit low-key life, hidden-ly chase my dream,
to put social media behind, not expose much on insta like i used to in 2018,
been watching and comparing others achievement to myself will just sadden me espc. to those dream that i havent achieve yet, i know i'm not suppose to feel down because Allah had written our own story and at the end of the day everything will be in place. i believe that.
new life gimme different freedom and a lot of time to myself, to reflect and to achieve more and satisfy myself.

some people spread really good vibe to us, make us want to be better, be nice, getting closer to the Almighty indirectly. This year i want this one my dream since 2017 to be realized. insya Allah. may Allah bless me and invite me. 

Hati?
i neva force my heart or force any that cross my mind, 
i'm scared that i might be wrong, 
choosing one that Allah didnt allow ? i dont want any of that,  
so i just gave my heart to the Almighty. 
i'm not choosing any, i dont want to get hurt, 
i'm weak behind the strong face that i put upfront, 
i'm not afford to let my heart shattered into pieces,
i'm just human...
i rather cried in my sujud rather than cry because one particular creation,
may Allah guide me to the path that He bless this year and more, 
insya Allah. amin.  

I carve my own path

Salam and Helo October 2018,

2018 is the year where i should be strict with myself. Decide what i want and what i dont. Not to simply being swayed by unnecessary people or things. Let them comment or critics but to me myself, please fee, u do not need to care about any of that.

I am usually firm in deciding what i usually want,
but as 2017.... i allow myself to be a lil bit open, lots of compromising and understanding.
Yes, the year where I am soften  and at that moment I feel easily broken. Which i cannot take it.
I feel like that is not fair for me to treat myself like that. 

Maybe because i have been extremely hectic on 2016, so 2017 is like resting year.
On 2017 again i have to learn to let go of another thing i want.
Learn how to pick myself up again,  so i lower down the firmness , and i thought there's the need to appreciate apa yang ada disekililing. But then again its not something right for me to do it for myself.

Now, I want what I want,
i dont want things which is not worthy of my time,
or not worthy of my effort. I've lots to offer .
So, during the month of Hijrah 2018, I'm back again.
Being the firm me who refuse to compromise on what i want to achieve and dream.
I may not extremely sure what the future hold, but I will choose whatever that makes me driven, motivated, extend my learning curve, grow, happy & bless.

If the career, love or money is worth it, it will find it way. or else i'm not gonna sacrifice myself or lower any of my standard. I love myself more and i'm not gonna take myself for granted again.


Sincerely,
me.